My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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