is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
