She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
