Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize