I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
