We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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