I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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