i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize