I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
