i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
