i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
