ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He has the fingertips of a God
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