when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
