We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
