if you like me you must not know who I am
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This house was built for laser tag.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
