No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
