did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
not ubering you a puppy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
