I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
