Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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