I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
