I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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