I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
