After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
