3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
