so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So squirting runs in the family.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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