If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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