When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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