it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
