He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
