Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
