Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She announced her abortion via fbk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
