Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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