i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
