Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
