his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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