she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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