the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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