Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
