I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
