I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize