He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
