This girl is more easily done than said...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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