Having a random hookup so left but love u
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
