While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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