I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
