Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
