How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
