you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
