Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
