Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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