well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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