Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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