She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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