Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
