I'm going to jail i love you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
