I faked an abortion last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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