The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These tits shall not be calmed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize