its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
