WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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