i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
