i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
