I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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