It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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