life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
