Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
