I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
